Lunch at Mickey's

to M.

My eyes, distant
Your hands, touching
My hands, cold
Your eyes, searching
Finding nothing.

Your eyes, down
My hands, pocketed
Your hands, flat
My eyes, searching
Finding you.

My hands, clasp
Your hand, warm
Your eyes, raise
Our eyes, searching
Finding each other.

Hear everything.

Here,

everything.

Hear Everything

A child believes everything he hears, a fool hears everything he believes and a wise man hears everything.

Capitalism

Capitalism is the unequal distribution of cruelty.

11 Aphorisms: Liberty, Love, Life, Death, Drugs and Courage.

by Brandon Toner

• The modern person is confronted with two options: consume dangerous drugs or consume dangerous ideas. The former threatens to destroy their bodies, the later the very society which necessitates the former.

• Mercy is the most noble act, vengeance the next. Punishment and forgiveness are for those in chains.

• True liberty is the power to be merciful toward those who cause you injury.

• Never fear to think, it is a confrontation with your self. If you cannot confront your self then you will not be able confront others.

• Dangerous ideas are much more exciting and deadly then dangerous drugs.
  

• The bored are the breathing dead.

• Love can be the most charming of tyrants.

• Euphoria can be bought, courage cannot.

• 'Life or death' is a false dichotomy.

• Materialism is valuing what you do not have and not valuing what you do have.

• Aphorisms are widely read but often narrowly understood.

Bastard Insurance Companies: Another Angry Rant (AAR)

Conservatives against universal health care argue that we shouldn't let the government make decisions about our health care.

So instead we want some greedy bastard insurance company making these decisions instead? Check out this story. This insurance company in Philadelphia denied a girl in California a critical procedure because "there was a lack of medical evidence showing the procedure would work".

So if I follow correctly the insurance company deemed that this young girl was going to die anyways so...why fork over good money?

Who the f*** is the insurance company to decide if a procedure will work or not? My bet is that the doctor watching this girl die would be in a much better position to make that decision; not some money grubbing assholes thousands of miles away.

Folk this is wonderful invisible hand of capitalism working at its best. How could anyone continue to defend this ridiculous system?

Capitalism works great when you're selling useless crap like iPods, not so much when comes to the things people need to live (like a liver).

Lieberman Endorses McCain

Lieberman endorses McCain. When I read this my first thought was “Lieberman, what an asshole” Is he doing this just be a prick? I continued reading the article. Lieberman’s argument: “[we need] a leader who can break through the partisan gridlock," and "The status quo in Washington is not working." Which on both points I firmly agree. The status quo, period, is not working.

Then I began to realize something. Both of these politicians have been all but scuttled by their respective parties. They have followed policies and supported actions not popular with their own party. They have pissed a lot of people off. Lieberman has certainly pissed me off.

And why? Because they were doing what they thought was right. Not that I agree with their version of what right is, I fully support any politician to do what they think is right. The “partisan gridlock” Lieberman speaks of and the status quo is general is created by a whole lot of people doing what some else tells them what is right, be it lobbyist , party leaders, or small noisy constituencies. Lieberman is on to something.

(Even as I type that I get bad taste in my mouth. Sure i respect Lieberman, but I still think he is an asshole).

A Rare Flower

to M.

Asleep on the soft petals of a beautiful flower
I am awakened by the buzzing of others
“What is this flower? What do you call it?” They ask.
“A flower of unmatched beauty and nourishment” Obviously

And they, confused bees
hopping flower to flower, ask:
“but is it yours?, is it your flower?”

Perplex by these odd questions,
annoyed at such a rude awakening,
I answer curtly
“This flower is no more mine
then the sun is yours” Go away.

“But, but, what do you call it?” their voices shake.

“As you call the sun what it is,
this rare flower is.
as the sun welcomes you,
this flower welcomes me.
as you do not choose the sun
I choose no other flower.
For who are we, us little bees
to pick and choose
that which gives us life?”

Perception of Others and The Self

dedicated to S.G. "not a dime store psychologist"

Here is a bit of dime store psychology that bubbled up to the surface of my mind the other night.

I suspect that for many people much of the qualities one sees in others is more of reflection of one's own qualities and not the other person.

I fashion my self a honest person. Also, a person that, on a good day, tries to see the best in people and, on a bad day, tries to see nothing; to with-hold judgment.

My thought is is that my own predispositions strongly affect how I see others. I have a tendency to assume that people reciprocate these same feelings I feel towards them; that people assume I am honest and non-judgmental and that I see the best in them.

I remember a time, as a typically confused and depressed teenager, that I believed most people to be miserable fucks and if they appeared to be happy they were probably bullshitting themselves.

I am the same person as that confused teenager. Human nature hasn't changed in 10 years What has changed? Me of course and consequentially my view of people.

Now I am not saying that how one views others directly mirrors how one sees oneself. If a person feels stupid that person most likely does not think everyone else is stupid, by definition this person will think everyone else is smarter.

The point is, is that this person's perception of others has little to do with observed qualities of others and more do with how that person feels about oneself.

Of course this phenomenon would be most prominent with people one knows the least.

Do you want to test your own predispositions? How do you feel about some people the first time you meet them? If you like them its probably because there are some qualities in them that reflect positive feelings you feel about yourself.

If after the first meeting you don't like them, through their behaviors you perceived qualities about yourself that you are not too fond of, but the source of those feelings is the person who don't like. Thats why you don't like them.

Thats not to say those qualities you perceive in others are non-existent. If I "perceive" someone to be an asshole that doesn't mean they are not an asshole, that does not mean "its all in my head". What I am saying is, is that whatever qualities one perceives in another person that led one to judge them "asshole" or any such label, is very much related to one's own personal qualities, and perceptions of self.

A room of ten people may all come to the conclusion that the eleventh person is an asshole but I suspect they will all have at least subtly different reasons for judging that person as such.

So whats the point of all this? How might knowing this relationship between perception of self and perception of others, if it has any validity, change how one treats people? Well the very act of perceiving people will become an act of self-perception. To put it another way, it will be an act of self-reflection.

How one perceives people will reflect back to how one perceives oneself. How one treats other people will reflect back to how one treats oneself, and vise versa. If one is more aware how one treats others I suspect one will treat others better.

This idea takes the golden rule a step further. Treat others as how you would want to be treated, perceive others how one would want to be perceived.

If you perceive everyone is out to bullshit you and take advantage of you how could you possibly treat others how you would want to be treated? You will treat people will suspicion. You might engage in dishonest manipulation yourself, assuming everyone else is dishonest and manipulative.

But do you want to be perceived (by yourself or others) as full of shit, exploitive and manipulative? Probably not. And I argue you wont be able to avoid both the behaviors and those nasty little feelings you feel about yourself if you continue to perceive those qualities in others and treat them accordingly.

Like I said before, the very act of interacting with others will become an act of self-reflection. How do I treat others? How do I perceive them? What does this say about myself?

And through this process of self-reflection one will have to confront oneself and through confrontation with oneself come out the other side a better person, treating people more as they would like to be treated (Not to mention having a bit higher opinion of them).

You see, I am predisposed to self-reflection. Consequently I have come up with a little BS amateur shrinkery that reflects my own predisposition. Fancy that.

For snow, we suffer cold

the first flakes fall
and our hearts rise

I nearly died last night

to M.

I nearly died last night.
it was a non-event.
no, nothing happened, but something almost happened.
a dark night, a fast bike
a missed stopped sign
a white van a few paces faster
a fast bike a few paces slower
a broken man on the dark cold pavement
bleeding and dieing alone.
no consolation, with no hope.

my lips still warm from your kiss.
I thought of you
and my cold poison words still dripping through your ears
I want them back.
to pull them out of your ear out of the air
back into the pages and into my head.
where they can die the death of a rotten seed
and I can die the death of a grateful man,
a broken body, a mangled bike, cold asphalt
and a beautiful fall night

Celebrate your Deathday!

For those of you who hate birthday(I'm ambivalent myself) here is a thought: instead of birthdays, which are so egocentric and self-important, we should celebrate our death day. Now it sounds morbid on the face of it but listen: we pick a day of OUR choosing and celebrate our eventual death.

When you are born you have no choice as to when where and to whom you are born. But our death day, we get to choose. We choose not as dependent infantile human beings but as autonomous and free and beautiful people.

And on this day we reflect joyfully and with a good deal of sarcasm on our eventual death. Instead of a birthday where you go "one more year closer to death" on your deathday you reflect back on the year you had and say "fuck, I am alive and i had a pretty decent time of it, I wonder what this year will be like? I hope it doesn't suck..." And then you take another shot of tequila.

You see, a celebration of death is more of a celebration of life then a celebration of birth. But its not supposed be all that serious. Someone's death day is a day for morbid jokes, and laughter, and irony. Looking at how fucked life is and laughing at it with friends and drinking too much, laughing too much, talking too much, life in excess on the day your eventual death. And the whole idea of having a "deathday" on the face of it is morbid and hilarious and ridiculous and flies directly in the face of this stupid institution called the "birthday". Oh, and no gifts on deathday! On your death day you give gifts to your friends; gifts low in monetary value but high in sentimental or intoxicating value. (ie handwritten letters, framed pictures, shots of tequila ect)

The B Sides

Ah shit... now I have two blogs. The new blog, Overextended Meta4 is strictly devoted to poetry. I have a feed on this blog linking to material on the new blog. So when I post a poem it should automatically update this blog with a link to the new poem. So...instead of keeping track of two blogs you only need to track one. Pretty slick I think, if it works...

Oh and you can now just go to www.meta44.com to get to this blog. Yeah, I'm a nerd, I got my own domain, but hell ,it was $7.00 for a year. Why the hell not?

September 11, 2007

I sit in one of the cafes
On positively fourth street
Too certain with no fear
Reading Machiavelli
Like this Sunday’s editorial
“the state will collapse”
When god dies and fear revolts

God is grasping for breath and we have nothing to fear
Our parents have felt the seams of society come loose
So they dare not ask us for a sacrifice
With their wealth they don’t need our bodies
But we will need the bodies of our unborn children

We have no memory of the altar
Never had to make the choice
To burn, to run, or to fight and die
With anxious but spotless minds
We ask our lambs to sacrifice
But they will not fear a dead god
They must fear us
If they refuse to ascend the steps
they will at knife point
but fear will revolt and the knives
will be at our throats
and with our blood a new god will rise.

...

inspired by W.H. Auden's September 1, 1939

Knots know

No knot, not knows
nothing. Sum things
know things nautical,
some not articles.
Knot art tickles
cots caught
gnarled cuticles,
tickles cut.

Raccoons in His Eyes

Raccoons in his eyes
Squirrels in his heart and
Bees in his blood
And folds of skin
like warm wax

He opens his mouth to laugh
The squirrels pierce the ears.

Another drink, and another.

“How long have you been…”
Raccoons dance
and dart,
rolling folds find their proper pose

Another joke, more squirrels, another drink

And the bees begin to infect my blood
And the skin on my face disconnects from my soul

Temptation Divided by Torpidity

Temptation divided by torpidity,
split asunder by academy's devior.
tepid rivulets carving time's soil
to conjugate 'nief the light of a city

Telephone Poem

Sitting here at work
bored.
Time's death,
held off by ten short lines.


Her
blue words, are a cure for

beige.

The Solipsist

The solipsist reads her words
and “cringes at the sight”.
Not to be discouraged
He diggs into the verses’ blue soil.
Stained with ink and confusion,
He comes back up for air.
And covered in words not his
he looks into the mirror
and recognizes himself.

Escape

Dust pumps slowly
through the narrow veins
in the crux of my arm.

Dry air leaks
from a dozen small holes
in my chest,

and beige thoughts crawl
around the florescent lit knots
on either side of my head.

My yellows eyes rest
on the pithy quote that adorns
my cloth lined cage

“Bureaucracy is a circle
from which one
cannot escape”

And I smile.

Comments: So yeah this the first poem I have written that I am not completely embarrassed to put out there. Not sure how comfortable I am about writing about work. I mean, shit, I already have to be here, not sure if i should be spending time writing about it. Unless of course...i write about work while i am at work. Yeah i guess I am ok with that. Oh, quote by Karl Marx.